29 Ridiculous Scottish Tweets Perfect For the Saturday Pick-Me-Up

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mattstaff
Apr 21, 2018 3:00 PM EDT
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  • 01
    Text - Kevin Izat @Kevinlzat Glasgow boy takes his burd hame for first time.. says tae his da 'this is amanda' his da jumps up 'its a fuckin wit?'
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  • 02
    Text - moj @Moj1872 Wot on earth hahahaa @ 19% оо 4G Twitter 14:41 BR 39 Wee Jay Today 14:41 Conor Young Ave been snapchattin this goth and she phones me before bed time to tell me scary stories haha CY > QWERTY UOP
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  • 03
    Text - Matthew @matthewlenniex I deh trust the dentist when they start talking in code about your teeth to their wee pal, you got suhin to say say it to ma face prick
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  • 04
    Text - Darren Fox @MrFox13 Boy last night was like that here mate you got skins a was like aye mate got the boxset hahahah cunt decked me in the eye socket
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  • 05
    Text - Callum Cross @callumcross72 When yer pal brings up that time ye winched a munter...
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  • 06
    Text - Daryl Gaughan @darylgaughanx The police came tae ma door and told me my dugs were chasing people on bikes ma dugs don't even have bikes
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  • 07
    Text - Phil @jackphil97 Examiners fuck me off with how slow they collect papers, you've been stood there for 3 hours doing fuck all pal come on time to shine
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  • 08
    Text - nicky @nickybuchanan72 Follow Canny stand when ye offer someone a fruit pastille or something like that and they start trying to dictate what colour they're having
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  • 09
    Text - Callum Cross @callumcross72 I hate being bipolar, its quality
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  • 10
    Text - When a burd becomes pregnant, it's aw they talk/post about. Even if it's no related, they're like "Went tae make toast n accidentally buttered ma big, pregnant belly 'cause am so pregnant"
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  • 11
    Text - Kevin @KPFB14 mind at primary skl when ye wid lose yer jumper n started sniffing ppls jumper to see who had urs n you'd be lit "na thats defo no ma smell"
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  • 12
    Text - Connor Coll @connorcoll16 Driving instructor says u just back fae Tenerife n a went naw just the sun beds, n he went naw cos ur on the wrang side ae the road
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  • 13
    Text - Kieran @Goudie15 Why dae folk ask babies stupid shite lit "Ur gettin big arent ye?" As if the wee cunts gony be like aye Moira yer spot on am oan the protein 10/02/2016, 19:05 9,705 RETWEETS 10.9K LIKES
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  • 14
    Text - Josh Rogers @JoshRogers23 If u see somecunt in the cinema buy popcorn, nachos n a juice theyre a drug dealer. No other explanation for that sort eh disposable income
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  • 15
    Text - Mike Adams @_MikeAdams Best feeling when your maw tells you "you'll no eat all that" n you spank it like the true champion that u are. Rise above hate
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  • 16
    Text - jrdnbggly @jrdn A say "Ano" a lot for somecunt that knows absolutely fuck all aboot anythin
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  • 17
    Liqueur - Dylan O'Neill @DylannnONeillI Telt ma maw tae fuck up n she slapped me an ABSOLUT Cenuntiny of weden PEACH e seduced by the compl nabral peach ble wW deatiled fromgha In die ftds of selhe fhe ng ad fli da lien
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  • 18
    Text - o O2-UK e 32% 04:37 am Messages Group Message i activeow Awryt babe wit u uptae xx Wit Just askin wit u were upto xx really nosy really Aye lol is that fish u Ovsly no haha not convinced Dis it huv fingers tae type with naw so how kin it be me Sent from Messenger
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  • 19
    Text - Gatzie @GarryCook_ Ma sisters shouting down at my maw saying "a canny hear ye" ma maws shouting up saying "a canny hear ye" yet i can hear 2 ae the fat fucks
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  • 20
    Text - Heather Reid @heathermreid Think this is one of my biggest riddys to date 2 years ago today Heather Reid 9 Jan 2015 at 19:51 . ran into a chinease to get a can of irn bru and asked how much it was and the guy was like "it depends" i was like wtf does that mean n he just kept saying it depends ni was like do you mean i need to buy something first?? getting ragin thinking he was bamming me up and turns out it was his accent saying "80 pence" :|| feel like such a cow now omg i need to get my
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  • 21
    Text - Carla Panelli @carlapanellii The answer I was lookin forx XX Ask your boyfriend what this is and write what he says in the comments Read 16:50 Am no your boyfriend Ok Delivered
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  • 22
    Text - Craig Galloway @CraigGalloway Will never forget the moment I accidentally text my driving instructor this hahahaha 10:06 100% Messages Driving nour tomorrow ir thars Tine Details Today 09:49 Issues with my cars wipers. Will text when I get there. No problem "Having issues with my car wipers. Will be a bit late" nae bother Seb ya fucking stormtrooper That wasn't meantwhoops Delivered Message
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  • 23
    Face - Will @ian_williams1 A swear if she pulls maddie out a hat Il actually vote for the first time cause that'd be the most long term joke ever TheLADbible @TheLadBible Madeleine McCann's mum, Kate, in bid to win next 'Britain's Got Talent' theladbible.com/ more/film-and...
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  • 24
    Text - bethan @bethanduncalf Glasgow vs Cambridge Yer Maw Was an immigrant YOU ABSALUTE ROASTER DOESNT SE EM TO BE MRTRUMP PARTICULARLY PLEASANT GENTLEMAN
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  • 25
    Text - Azda _Azdaa Follow Probally washed it way lenor then? Check In O Photo Status C LIRGS Like Comment Share C 4 hrs Edited Fuck knows what ma mum washed ma work stuff wae a smell like a fucking bottle of lenor 12 Likes 13 Comments Like Comment Share
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  • 26
    Text - Annoying as fuck when ye are texting someone n say tae them "look at this" n send a photy but the photy takes 0.3 secs longer to send n they're geein it the whole "look at wit" malarky. Fuckin wait 2 seconds n ye'll se ya absolute sprooter
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  • 27
    Vehicle - erin @erinem just drove by half a ford KA n a have so many unanswered questions. Everything about Kilbirnie confuses me
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  • 28
    Text - Gaul Plancy @paul_glancy Follow | Magine gonty the pictures wae a burd n she wants a pick n mix. hings get weighed, yer lit, less bon bons mare flumps hen am no made a money
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  • 29
    Text - Gilligan @MeganGillan Wee brother goes to my mum "mum I know why girls don't have a willy, because they fall off. I found yours under your pillow"
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